Saturday, May 07, 2011

for mother's day - my mom

As our moms' kids it's easy to assume we know a lot about them;  their strengths, weaknesses, and even their shortcomings.  We can pinpoint certain character traits that we'd like to lean toward or away from.  And as I got older, I decided I wanted to be successful like her and buy a home like my parents have and reach for some of the same goals that she has achieved.

I also had memories of her disciplining me, and within those same memories included thoughts on how I would do it differently.  How she just didn't know what she was doing at the time or how it scarred me!  (Oh, how naive I was - and maybe dramatic?!  ;) )

Oh, but once I became a mommy... well, my perspective has changed about her.   I realized she was more than just my mom.

I realized I am on the same playing field.  I am now that imperfect mom now trying to make the best choices for my kids just as my mom did so long ago with me and my sister.

I began to imagine my mom doing the things with me that I am doing with my babies.  I imagined her worry when we were sick when we were little and I imagined her pride as we brought home good grades.  I envisioned her excitement when we learned something new or made a picture just for her.  I also pictured that she was sometimes frustrated with our bad choices and I could see her reaching for us, to steer us in the right direction in life, hoping that we would follow the path to become good people, a path she was helping to create and guide us on.

Who knew my mom lived through these same experiences and emotions that I am now currently experiencing as a mom of my young ones?

Instead of judging my mom, I began feeling some grace and compassion toward her!  Oh, I know I was a pain sometimes... those fights with my sister, and eye rolling, and talking back (and other awful things I put her through that I'm probably subconsciously blocking out of my mind - or just don't want to admit!  Ha!). 

I'm also finding myself in those sweet 'mommy moments' as my mom created with me...

I don't know if she knows, but I remember singing You Take the High Road and Twinkle, Twinkle in bed at night.

I remember her sitting us in front of the fireplace downstairs after we had just got out of the bathtub to keep us nice and warm.

I remember her pushing the back of my bike as I learned to ride with just two wheels.

I remember her working two jobs so my dad could go back to school to get his Engineering degree so that our family could have more.

I remember her laying out all sorts of different, fun ingredients on our kitchen table and telling my sister and I to just create!

I remember her teaching me to play Monopoly.

I remember the way she told me that she wished she could switch places with me when I was dealing with my hair loss in elementary school.  

I remember her sitting with me in the middle of the night when I was in junior high because I had an awful ear ache and couldn't sleep.

I remember how she and I worked together to teach Sunday School together when I was in high school. 

And now I sometimes get to relive those moments when I see her with my own children.  And it leaves no room for doubt in my mind about how much she loves them... how much she loved me.

I also don't know if she knows this, but I hope I am a lot like her.  I hope I can glean from her wisdom about motherhood.  

I don't tell her nearly enough, but I am so thankful for my mom. 

So today, Mother's Day, I celebrate her and all that she is to me - and now to my own kids, too.

I love you, Mom! 

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