Qualifying our problems

Nearing the end of a Bible study session this week, the group of 30 (give or take) women were asked if there were anything that we could pray together for.  Several ladies shared things, deep things, sicknesses, children who were suffering, grad school application denials, deaths in families, and a few other requests.  The heavier stuff of life was among us.  Usually I remain quiet among this big group of women, yet something pushed me to say something.

I cleared my throat.  "Well, this isn't in the same category as some of the needs and hurts occurring in this room, but..."

I was interrupted.

"Sandra, you don't need to qualify, it is what it is. It's important."

"Ok, well..."  Dangit, the tears!  I hated that there were tears when normally there were none with thoughts of this.  Struggling to compose myself, I said, "Um, it's my hair.  You may have noticed that I wear hats all of the time.  Well, since my surgery in September, I've been losing my hair.  It's almost all gone."  I had to stop again.  Breathe.   "Anyway, you know, as a woman, it's just hard sometimes."  That's all I could get out.  My eyes were spilling with tears and I stopped.   A friend seated next to me pulled me close, held my hand, and sat with me while we prayed.  

Mine and all of the other requests were prayed over and afterward I had several women approach me, offering their apologies that I was facing this.  And I found myself saying it again, "It's nothing like what So-and-So is facing, so I'm thankful that all it IS is losing my hair, and not something more..."

The friend that interrupted me the first time happened to be standing near me as I was explaining this.  "Sandra, stop qualifying it.  Your hair, it's a big deal.  It's hard.  It's ok to be sad and hurt that it's happening right now.  Don't compare it or yourself to anyone else."

And there it was.

Release.  

Where did all these tears come from?  Seriously, I haven't once been emotional about my hair up to this point...yet it was such a relief!  I suddenly felt the permission to grieve this loss.  Though seemingly insignificant to the deep losses and struggles that some of these friends faced, knowing that even if it ISN'T life threatening or physically painful, it is still MY loss!  

Still holding dear the deep pain that my friends were facing, I was also given permission to not compare.  I was allowed to feel the pain of being a woman who is mostly bald, in a world that glorifies physical beauty.  And it kind of sucks.

And gosh, I cried.  Thankfully, I was able to keep most of it in until I got into my car (and my sweet two year old asked, "Are you sad, Mommy?").  

It's true that I am lucky.  It is only my hair.  But it's ok for me to grieve AND still trust that He is using this for His good.  And I do.  As I've said before, I'm still choosing to believe that God is using this to place beauty in my life where most of the world would find anything but beauty.  And I am growing in that truth.  I know I am.

Have you found yourself qualifying your struggles in life?  Do you explain to others (and to yourself) that well, it could be so much worse?  It's true! It could be worse, but it is what it is to you.  And it's hard right now, in your life, and that is important.  Important to you, important to those who love you, and most of all important to God.  No need to qualify here.  You have permission to grieve.

Linking up with Shell today at Things I Can't Say.