An apology

I need to apologize.  I'm sorry for the rant last night.  It was written out of anxiety and partly some anger, which is never a good place in which to write from, especially not writing through something I should think more carefully through, something that does not represent the entirety of this journey of mine, thus far.  It was a moment in time, and thankfully my 'tantrum' has passed.

I've said in the past, and it is still true, that God has brought us through TREMENDOUS obstacles to get this far, so while it seems like I expressed doubt, I have genuinely never thought He wouldn't bring me through.  I know and trust He will.  I let my anxiety take hold last night and again, it's not a good place to express the best of my thoughts and feelings.

Second, I have had SO many people love and bless me through service over the past several years and I am deeply sorry if it seemed that I have not been so thankful, humbled, and blessed by those acts.  The funny thing is that I feel that one of my 'love languages' is acts of service and when others need help, my heart desires to help.  Matter of fact, if my help is refused, it's hard for me not to be unnecessarily sensitive about that.  

Unfortunately my heart is also prideful and I let my pride speak before I thought through what I was saying.  

For those of you who have helped me in the past (and there are many), I love you and I am SO thankful you allowed God to use you to minister to my heart and serve me.  That's one of his greatest commandments - to love and serve your neighbor as yourself, to pour yourselves out to help and serve others - and He will richly bless you.  I truly believe that and I'm sorry I did not show or express that in my previous post.  It was a lie and an ugly part of me that I let speak instead of Truth.

Thanks for loving me through this journey friends and fellow bloggers and readers.  This venue has allowed ME to be richly blessed and encouraged and I am so thankful that I do have an amazing support system, tremendous people who love me, my husband, and children enough to recognize that while it is so hard for me to ask for help, they offer and intervene anyway.  They love me enough to speak truth and love to me.  Enough to try and understand the giant I'm facing and bear this burden with me.  

So again, I'm sorry.  Thanks for loving and encouraging me through the thick and thin.  I so appreciate it.  I can't promise I may not have another tantrum after next week ;), but I'll try my best to be thankful for what I DO have and how God will use this trial in my life for something Good, for His purposes, and so somehow I can serve others through this as well.  

Thanks for sticking with me.  :)