Thursday, November 17, 2011

There has never been anyone like you, ever in the world

On the night you were born, 
the moon smiled with such wonder
that the stars peeked into see you 
and the night wind whispered,
"Life will never be the same."

...So whenever you doubt just how special you are
and you wonder who loves you, how much and how far,
listen for geese honking high in the sky.
(They're singing a song to remember you by.)
Or notice the bears asleep at the zoo.
(It's because they've been dancing all night for you!)
Or drift off to sleep to the sound of the wind.
(Listen closely... it's whispering your name again!)

 -- On the Night You Were Born
by Nancy Tillman

 Just a few of the verses from a book I read to Braeden today.  

This morning was Braeden's family Thanksgiving feast with his preschool class.  Our plan for the day had been changed.  With necessary weekly visits to the orthodontist now, I had once rescheduled this appointment already and tomorrow the office is closed.  The plan was revised, with hesitation, that Jon would go ahead and take off of work and he would be the one to attend the family feast with Braeden while I went to my appointment.  

However, the plan was revised again when Landen awoke with a swollen throat, fever, runny nose, and cough which prompted me to suggest Jon take Landen into the doctor after dropping Braeden off at preschool and before the feast.  The doctor then confirmed both Strep and a cold (poor Landen!).

Besides the fact that he was feeling pretty miserable, this meant Landen shouldn't be around other little ones.

Which meant Braeden would have no parents or family at the Thanksgiving feast today. 

Braeden was picked up after preschool today, seemingly unphased, and when I got home from my appointment shortly after lunch, he and I settled down to read this book.

And I couldn't make it through.

I couldn't hold back the tears as I read the words in the book.  It's really pretty silly because Braeden was happy that he had dinner with his best buddy, Eli, and his mommy and daddy (who is really family to us anyway), and another great friend's mommy helped him get his plate.  Because of these things he had a full belly and got to have lunch with friends today!  Score! (At least in his mind)

But in my mind we failed. 

OK, I realize that these situations were out of my control.  We didn't know the day would play out the way it did, but I held in my mind the image of excited 3, 4, and 5 year old faces lighting up as their parents walked in while Braeden waited in anticipation, glancing toward the door, until dinner was ready to be eaten and he realized we weren't coming and someone else had to help him get his plate. 

This may or may not have been how it went down, but it was a stark reminder that it really is my job, my calling, and my passion to really show him that he was and is not forgotten.

In a couple of weeks, we'll have all but forgotten the preschool feast.  It will be ancient history in Braeden's mind as we move quickly toward the magic season of Christmas.  

I will choose to bring with me, though, the sentiment of the words I read to Braeden today.  The reminder from my Creator today that He created me to make choices to love my son; to show and encourage and point to Him as I lay with him at night, as I listen to him sing songs each day, as I do my best to always be at his special occasions, and as I balance my love and grace with logic and discipline so that he can come away knowing that he is special, he has my heart no matter what happens in his life, and that most importantly, he can rest in the fact that he is loved and safe and celebrated here with us at home.  

This, another verse from the book, is one I believe is really true, and loved sharing with Braeden on my lap today.

 Heaven blew every trumpet
and played every horn
on the wonderful, marvelous
night you were born.

Braeden, after briefly wondering why I was sad while reading this new book, even though it had happy pictures, picked up and ran off and kept playing (making his sweet sick brother laugh and laugh with the pillows on the couch).  

I'm thankful for the reminder today that Braeden held some grace for me, too.  His 5 year old heart believed me when I said I was sorry we missed it, hugged me, and went on to play and laugh in our living room.

He makes me a very blessed mommy!   :)


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