As time passes...

I have been continually amazed.  After reading experiences and talking to someone who has also had this surgery, I projected the near future in my minds eye quite clearly.  Things like pain, fatigue, and learning to swallow again were to be my hard reality for quite some time.  But, as Jon has said again and again (I just don't ever listen!) my experience would be my own.  And boy, it has.  That first week was rough, especially with random feelings of suffocation came and went without warning, however as each day passes I find myself amazingly almost without pain, swallowing has become natural again, swelling is slowly coming down, despite my only liquid diet I have yet to feel extremely hungry, and my strength is returning - slowly, but returning none-the-less.  My lower lip and chin are mostly numb still, but I've been assured that the feeling will come back in time.

I find myself looking in the mirror a lot.  My profile seems so different.   My nose wasn't touched during surgery, yet even my nose looks and feels different.  I  have been smiling at myself in the mirror over and over to see if I can tell how my lips will set over my teeth.  Much of the gums above my teeth have been removed, so I know that gummy smile of mine will be gone.  Because my lips and chin are still so numb and because there is still a bit of swelling it takes work to make a smile and it comes slowly.

My teeth are banded shut (and will be for about 7 or 8 more weeks), but I've been able to drink easily despite that (with many small sips and yes, some drooling) and as I type this Jon is out getting some Cream Soda and soft serve ice cream.  The plan is to let it melt a bit and mix it together.  It'll be a treat if it works!  Here's hoping!

And then there's Jon.  He has done and seen  things the past week and a half that a spouse would probably not ever desire to do or see, but he has done them without complaint.  Even beyond that, he has done them with joy and literally smiling at me the entire time and reminding me that he loves me.  Seriously, he has.  Someday, if the roles are ever reversed, I pray that I can be that to him, to serve him so compassionately and lovingly as he has the past 10 days.

All of the encouragement, love, and prayers sent for me have been working, I have no doubt.  God has been SO good.  I was expecting the worst and while this hasn't necessarily been a walk in the park, it's been exponentially better than I was anticipating.  There is still a long road ahead, but I find myself looking forward, no longer scared of whats to come, but excited about the changes that were made, the headaches I won't deal with anymore, the locking and pain that will be no longer there.

My spirits have been lifted.  I've said before we're staying at a friends house.  In the room they've given us there is a white board.  On it they wrote this verse:

"If you make the Most High your dwelling - even the Lord, who is my refuge- then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.  For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;  they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.  You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;  you will trample the great lion and the serpent.  Because he loves me, says the Lord, I will rescue him;  I will protect him, for he acknowledges My name.  He will call upon me, and I will answer him;  I will be with him, in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.  With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation." -- Psalm 91:9-16

I've looked at and read this verse every day I've been here and I just give thanks to Him who has been with me this entire journey and answered my prayers and yours.   He has most assuredly protected and answered me.  Though I never feared anything near death, I still feel He has delivered me.

Thank you SO much for your prayers.  Please continue to pray as I continue to recover, heal, and especially as we are going to head home in just a few days and re-adjust back to real life again (and can I just say I have no plans to be away from my babies for at least the remainder of this year, probably much longer!  I have missed them fiercely and can't wait to hug and kiss and just be with them again - just writing that is making me cry!).

Now that my swelling has begun to go down, I plan on posting some newer pictures sometime soon.  I feel like my face is changing each day and becoming more "me" every time I see myself in the mirror.