I had to ignore a friend who came by to see me because I was in no shape to be seen or talked to at that moment. I'm sure anything I would have been able to blubber out wouldn't have made sense anyway. I value being looked upon as being at least mostly put together and in that light, that moment was a major fail. Thankfully my friend is one who has loved me unconditionally over the past several years and wrote me words of love and encouragement a short time later (which were surely part of an answered prayer that I had been crying through in my dark bathroom).
As is thankfully common after such a cry, I felt pressed to do something about it. And so, what is becoming somewhat of a theme for me (though this time it didn't come without a temper tantrum) I knew I should press on to choose joy, knowing that I am being given perseverance. There's no option to give up or quit, so I persevere. And try my damnest to do it with joy. No trudging, looking down into the sticky, ugly, muddy, messy parts of life (though there may be some moments here and there), but looking up, looking ahead, and pressing on. Choosing joy of the things I have been given all along the journey.
Take that trials of life!
(Yep, that hair on my head - fake. I decided to give in and just start wearing my rug - and embrace it. :) )
And, you know, I have an awesome husband who saw through me to the feeling of being trapped I had inside and took the afternoon off to take me to a city nearby, 20 degrees warmer to play with our kids, soak in the sun.
And, like one more small gift, one I didn't even really appreciate until I was home and the kids were asleep, I plugged in my camera and glanced at the last few pictures I took that day. In these particular ones,I recalled trying to snap it quickly while we were driving home, angling myself across the dash to get it and quickly thinking it was impossible and gave up. And reviewing those pictures, I found this gem.
(Granted, I totally cropped out the dashboard and window frame, but whatever.)
Of course, once at home again, none of our problems are really gone, but my attitude was in a better place and I breathed a sigh of relief.
It's ok. I'm ok.
Real life continues to throw itself forward and grown up responsibilities aren't going away, but neither am I. The long haul awaits.