When it snows...

We play.  :)

Room to breathe

(Not the best composed picture, but I love his baby face with that awesome after-nap hair)

Wednesday evening Jon came home from work, and upon seeing me sitting, quite exhausted, on the couch  he ordered me (in the most loving way) to leave.  He said I could do whatever I wanted and stay out as long as I wanted. 

This mom didn't wait.  I grabbed my coat and my Kindle, hopped in our family mini van and left, having no idea where I was going.  

I decided to take advantage of this rare freedom and did something I never got to do - I totally went to the Wendy's drive through, got myself a large fry with a frosty to dip them in, and a coke (I know, pretty crazy, huh?).  I found a semi-secluded parking lot.  I sat, ate my perfect blend of salty and sweet dinner, and lost myself in some of my favorite music. I thought, played a little on my phone, thought some more, and thoroughly enjoyed my solitude for a few hours.  I did NOTHING and it was fantastic!  

Seriously, I should do this more often.  I need to room to breath and to just be sometimes.  It was good for my soul (as lame as I just realized sitting in my car for a few hours really does sound!  Ha!)  

And after I returned home, Emerson (who was the only kiddo awake by the time I got back), Jon and I critiqued and judged the contestants on American Idol before retiring to bed.  A good ending to my night.

I have heard many times that in order to be the best wife to your husband, mom to your kids, and friend to your friends, you also have to remember to take care of yourself, too.  It's true.  You do.

Some other things from this week:

Silly time with a mirror.  Have you ever watched a child look at themselves in the mirror?  The enhanced drama in our conversation when their reflection is near or the discovering of new funny faces, freckles, and teeth in their mouth is fully entertaining for both them and me!

And I may have played a little, too.

My littlest is turning 3 in just 10 days! It's completely unbelievable and shocking that my baby will be 3, but here it is, his 3rd birthday just around the corner.  And like I have with my other two, I had grand plans and ideas for his birthday pictures
.  

Wyoming weather, however, had other plans.  Surprised?  No.  But after this attempt in the cold, which lasted all of 2 minutes before his little nose was red and running, I'm just waiting for just ONE nice(r) day to get these ideas I have into photo form for this special day.  

And last, a few I snapped with my phone!  (All of these are on Instagram.  If you are, too, my user name is sandra_kelly).  I have to say, I'm loving having this phone to whip out in those instances where I want to catch something in a quick moment.  

Heading to Cheyenne this weekend to hopefully snap some good ones of my favorite sister, her husband, and the two sweet babies in her tummy.  Praying the weather holds out!

Happy Friday!  Have a great weekend!

Qualifying our problems

Nearing the end of a Bible study session this week, the group of 30 (give or take) women were asked if there were anything that we could pray together for.  Several ladies shared things, deep things, sicknesses, children who were suffering, grad school application denials, deaths in families, and a few other requests.  The heavier stuff of life was among us.  Usually I remain quiet among this big group of women, yet something pushed me to say something.

I cleared my throat.  "Well, this isn't in the same category as some of the needs and hurts occurring in this room, but..."

I was interrupted.

"Sandra, you don't need to qualify, it is what it is. It's important."

"Ok, well..."  Dangit, the tears!  I hated that there were tears when normally there were none with thoughts of this.  Struggling to compose myself, I said, "Um, it's my hair.  You may have noticed that I wear hats all of the time.  Well, since my surgery in September, I've been losing my hair.  It's almost all gone."  I had to stop again.  Breathe.   "Anyway, you know, as a woman, it's just hard sometimes."  That's all I could get out.  My eyes were spilling with tears and I stopped.   A friend seated next to me pulled me close, held my hand, and sat with me while we prayed.  

Mine and all of the other requests were prayed over and afterward I had several women approach me, offering their apologies that I was facing this.  And I found myself saying it again, "It's nothing like what So-and-So is facing, so I'm thankful that all it IS is losing my hair, and not something more..."

The friend that interrupted me the first time happened to be standing near me as I was explaining this.  "Sandra, stop qualifying it.  Your hair, it's a big deal.  It's hard.  It's ok to be sad and hurt that it's happening right now.  Don't compare it or yourself to anyone else."

And there it was.

Release.  

Where did all these tears come from?  Seriously, I haven't once been emotional about my hair up to this point...yet it was such a relief!  I suddenly felt the permission to grieve this loss.  Though seemingly insignificant to the deep losses and struggles that some of these friends faced, knowing that even if it ISN'T life threatening or physically painful, it is still MY loss!  

Still holding dear the deep pain that my friends were facing, I was also given permission to not compare.  I was allowed to feel the pain of being a woman who is mostly bald, in a world that glorifies physical beauty.  And it kind of sucks.

And gosh, I cried.  Thankfully, I was able to keep most of it in until I got into my car (and my sweet two year old asked, "Are you sad, Mommy?").  

It's true that I am lucky.  It is only my hair.  But it's ok for me to grieve AND still trust that He is using this for His good.  And I do.  As I've said before, I'm still choosing to believe that God is using this to place beauty in my life where most of the world would find anything but beauty.  And I am growing in that truth.  I know I am.

Have you found yourself qualifying your struggles in life?  Do you explain to others (and to yourself) that well, it could be so much worse?  It's true! It could be worse, but it is what it is to you.  And it's hard right now, in your life, and that is important.  Important to you, important to those who love you, and most of all important to God.  No need to qualify here.  You have permission to grieve.

Linking up with Shell today at Things I Can't Say. 

Some Friday Favorites

As much as I talk about how fast time flies and how I wish I could hold on to these moments, which is still true, I think I feel an equal amount of excitement as I watch the dynamics and relationships grow and change as the days pass by.  My conversations with my kids, Emerson and Braeden in particular, get to hold substance beyond the short simple answers and vague conversations they used to.  And with it, the level of trust and friendship doesn't necessarily go up a notch,  but perhaps just a few notches deeper, if that makes sense.  Anyway, one of the new things I've so enjoyed is the notes that have become a habit of being found on Emerson's white board.  Everyday after she goes to school I check it.  Every day when she gets home, she checks it, because there is bound to be a continuing conversation about our days left on there.   It has quickly become one of my favorite things.

Sister and brother roles have made their adjustments, too.  One of their new pastimes has become Emerson reading her big-kid chapter books to Braeden (can I just throw in Junie B. Jones - hilarious!), which inevitably leads to a lesson in phonograms and how to sound out words, which made me feel kind of bad for Braeden because he couldn't just enjoy the story, until I realized her little lessons were working!  That kid can sound out words to both read and write pretty well now!  Who knew?!

Guess my job as mom is done!

Braeden has rediscovered his love for his stuffed animals (I've noticed the trend of certain toys continually going in and out of style).  These guys showed up to watch a movie with us the other day.

And then there's this kid.

Landen.  These days, this is how bedtime goes down.  Face snuggled into the soft side of his green pillow pet and my right hand cupped around the chub of his left cheek.  Soon, he begins to smack his lips, a signal that his eyes will soon be blinking their final blinks.  It's then that he tries to hold onto those last moments of consciousness by fidgeting around, rubbing his head and running his fingers through his hair.  Then, its my cue to take his hand, settling those figity fingers, and I give it one last squeeze, almost magically sending him off to dreamland.

Almost every night ends like this....

And since I've already got two pictures of this sleeping baby, here's just one more...

I don't think the joy of breathing in my kids as they sleep will ever fade.  

Oh, and I'm going to take a cue from several of my bloggy friends and do a Friday Phone Dump.  These are all pictures I've taken with my phone and are on Instagram (if you are, too, my user name is sandra_kelly)!

Until next time.... :)

(Linking up with Rachel at Finding Joy today!)

Introducing a dream

A year ago Jon ordered a camera at my request.  Our little point and shoot began to fade.  So, after hunting on Amazon, researching prices, and studying options, he decided unexpectedly to purchase a DSLR camera.  I had no idea what that meant at the time.  I thought it was a hefty investment for a family camera, but he DID know much more about photography than I did (dabbling in it when he was in high school on the yearbook staff).  

It turned out to be a divine purchase, so to speak.  It was an answer to prayer I didn't know that could possibly be an answer, helping me discover a truly unknown passion I had hidden in my heart.  It was something that literally could only have come from God and his ridiculously crazy ways of working through the prayers and desires of my heart.

I picked it up, shot several pictures on the auto setting, began capturing some beloved moments with my family, and finding so much beauty created with this camera I held in my hands- before I even knew it- it was my turn - me who got to take off running.  I was given the amazing opportunity to turn my corner.  I wasn't looking for it, but it found me.

Jon, having no idea where this might lead, took a chance and believed in me and let me run.  Investing in classes and forums and software so I could learn more.  I couldn't and didn't want to stop learning more.  I soaked it in, I read everything I could get my hands on, and I played with that camera like it was no ones' business.  I took thousands (it's possible that could actually be a literal number!) of pictures of my own family.  I began taking pictures of friends and their families, discovering the joy it gave me to gift them with pictures of their own.  Pictures they were excited and proud to grace their walls with.  And now, a year later, I am taking my chance, a leap of faith.  I'm doing something I never thought possible.  I'm pursuing something seemingly dropped in my lap.  I'm committing to learning more, striving to do better, seeking out the depth of my creativity, and buckling down to pursue a dream.

I am completely humbled, amazed, so excited and absolutely blessed to announce that I and my best friend (who has inspired me first with her own pictures and has a beautiful eye for catching moments with her camera) are starting a professional photography business together!!

Never in a million years would I have ever guessed or even thought that this could be a reality.
But here it is.

I am officially introducing..... 

www.KellyCoulterPhotography.com

If you feel so inclined, you can click on the image above to be taken to our new website!  And, for fun, if you visit out Facebook Page  and 'Like' us, we'll be hosting a giveaway in a few weeks.  Go to the page for the details.  :)

The desire of our heart is to bless the people we are so fortunate to interact with with beautiful memories that they are proud to display, while continuing to develop and feed our desire to create beautiful photos.

If it weren't for the love, support, and encouragement from most of my friends and family and especially Jon, this may never have come to be.  So, thank you, thank you, thank you.  


Here's to the future, here's to perusing something new, and here's to capturing glimpses of fun and beauty in peoples' lives.

And, as always, thanks for coming along on my journey.  So thankful to have you.


Linking up today with Shell at Things I Can't Say!

Inspired

I've been inspired.  Inspired can reach a long way, too, as I realized I was inspired today pouring my kiddos some chocolate milk, wanting to give them something to be excited about, and squeezed an extra squeeze of chocolate into their cups, just because.

Kind of silly, right?  But the realization that I can let inspired flow into the small things I do each day has given me an extra bit of joy in the small menial tasks I perform almost ritually (can I just say that laundry has been caught up on for a few weeks now.  That is amazing for me!).

The source of this inspiration has come from a few different places, hitting me seemingly all at once, giving me motivation to do things I'd never in a million years thought I'd even consider doing.  Showing itself in the way I respond to my kids, the way I take my pictures, the excitement I allow myself when Jon walks in the door after he gets home from work, the words I've never realized I loved to write and in life choices I'm making.

I realize because of this inspiration and the drive its given me to pursue and do more, that things could get more busy, but in this season of my life, busy is good for my soul.  Part of that busy will be the regular business of playing on the floor building towers, chasing giggling and squealing kids down the hall, and the never ending dropping off and picking up from school and other activities.  And this new busy is one that will push me, stretch me, probably make me uncomfortable at times.  However the joy, excitement, and suspense of this new business in life is a driving force for me these days and I'll take it while it's there.  Realizing this high in life right now may not last forever, I'm choosing not to let that pervade any of thoughts of the future, but breathing in this fresh breath of life that seems to have invaded and just grasping for the clouds right now.  As a friend recently reminded me, the sky is the limit!

(One I took with my phone this afternoon.)  

Now, some of the things we've been up to lately

Strep throat.  Yep, that's what we've been up to.  Every single member of my family, except me, has had strep at least twice in the last 3 months.  Yep, the words at least means some have had it more.  If you know me, you know I'm fanatical about cleaning my home after sickness has settled in, so I can't figure out why this yucky bug seems to be so persistent, but I'm taking in all the extra snuggle time it provides for me in the meantime.  :)  (Besides, if there is any weather that's better to be sick in, it's the current weather here.  We've been in the negatives for windchill the last few days.)

I picked up The History of Love by Nicole Krauss from the library.  This has recently been one of those sources of inspiration for me.  The richness of her words and the weaving of stories has been inspiring.  I haven't finished it yet, but am waiting until after I publish this post and will hopefully finish it tonight!

Emerson did her first real presentation at school the other day.  She presented her bag report (a book report in a bag) to her 1st grade class the other day and did beautifully.  :)

This is a still I took from video, so it's a little blurry, but check out that Puss in Boots drawing.  She worked on that for forever!

Since sickness has settled, forts have been built and pajamas worn all day long, Dance Wii has been played creating lots and lots of giggles.  It's been a fun, relaxing day.  :)

Last, I've been inspired by one of my favorite bloggers, Kelle Hampton  (perhaps you've heard of her?!), who has two beautiful girls, one of which, Nella, is about to turn two and has Down Syndrome.  She has done so much to raise awareness about children blessed with an extra chromosome.  Last year, for Nella's 1st birthday, she asked for people to donate towards NDSS with a lofty $15,000 goal.  She amazingly raised over $100,000!  Isn't that insane?
So, this year, Kelle is shooting for 2 for 2, that is a $200,000 goal, including what was raised last year for Nella's second birthday.  Last I checked she was up to $150,000.  You should go check out her blog.  Seriously, it's amazing, and then check out the page she's set up through NDSS to raise money in  honor of Nella and read about her heart for this cause.  You can go here to check it out.

Ok, I'm off to finish that book!  Goodnight and  I hope you are able to find some inspiration this next week!

Why, hello there, Blog!

Push myself.  

Try something new.
Learn more.
Start SOMEWHERE!

I haven't been in the blogosphere lately and I have SO missed it.  I miss this online journal and the diffuser of my thoughts.  :)  While I've been MIA, though, these phrases above have been consuming my mind and I'm super excited to say I'm following through on these ideas.  There will be more details to come soon (SO excited!)!

Until then, though, I've been asked to post some more follow up and/or comparison pictures of my face.  It's been almost 4 months since my surgery (and not quite two and a half years since I began this whole process) and it no longer swims around my daily thoughts.  I feel almost completely back to normal, still stretching those muscles and ligaments 3 times a day (most of the time, because I forget sometimes!) and hopefully next week I'll be given permission to start eating completely normally again.  Whoop!  That is cause for excitement and celebration in my opinion!  I'm excited to have this all completely behind me and and next week marks one more step toward having this all in the past!

So, without further ado, I'll start from the very beginning.  :)  (I'm kind of excited to see this for myself as I've never lined all the pictures up side by side before!)

The day I began all the treatment with my splint (can you see the clear plastic "thing" over my teeth?)

Shortly after getting my braces put on

Several months into braces - I, personally, can see how they moved my teeth out a little
making my "toothy" smile seem huge!

These two were taken only a few months before surgery.

These two were taken a day (or maybe two?) before surgery

                                         

1 week post surgery

These two were taken shortly after we got back home, so probably about  a month post surgery.

A month and a half post surgery.

A silly photo I took with my phone - 3 months post surgery.

And finally, this was just taken a few days ago at almost 4  months post surgery.

It's surprising to ME when I look at the very first picture and compare it to the last one.  I can honestly say I feel good about the changes that have been made.  I'd be lying if I said I was never self conscious of that big gummy smile before, so I'm happy with my new smile.  I feel like it's changed the way I look quite drastically sometimes, yet I know that I still look like me, if that makes sense.  

I have yet to really experience any pain at all (except this darn philips screw that is still in my gums - for only one more week - that rubs my  upper lip).  And still, I have numbness.  But, really, that's the worst of it, and not really something to complain about!

Unfortunately, though, since surgery, I have also been losing my hair, once again.  It's mostly gone on the top of my head.  So for me, wearing hats has become routine lately (if you're wondering why you've seen me in nothing BUT hats these days!).  Thankfully, though, it's been easier for me to not dwell on it this time.  I have other things that are filling me up and giving me life and allowing me the freedom to not stress a lot about it.  I still am consciously making the choice to look for the ways this is a blessing.  I still certainly hope this passes quickly (and sometimes I really wish I could understand why my body reacts the way it does to certain things), but for now, I'm ok.  :)

Hopefully in the next post will come sooner rather than later!  

Ahhh, so good to be blogging again.  :)