Being Real: Carrying each other's burdens

There is something about being real that is hard for me.  Do you know what I'm talking about?  When that smile that you're putting on suddenly becomes the real thing - you feel your eyes relax into a place where true joy is apparent.  Or when you hear the words coming out of your mouth that feel so genuine that you will the words to make a visual imprint on the person you're speaking to.  What you would think would be the easiest place to draw your emotions and words from, that real and authentic part of you, is sometimes the hardest.  At least it is for me. I think we're trained to respond the "right" ways and that becomes the easiest thing to do.  Of course, there is the issue of being vulnerable, too, I suppose, and that's hard...  I digress...

Anyway, I found myself listening to a friend this week whose weight on her shoulders is heavy.  Crushing, really.  I dug deep and every ounce of me wanted to speak Truth into her life that she would believe.  Something that wouldn't be a cliche .  No "it'll be ok" or "God has a plan" statements.   I've said those things before myself, but really, do I know those things to be true?  Do I know that God's plan will bring comfort? I don't.    My heart hurt for her and I wanted her to know that, so that maybe she could realize that I was carrying a little bit of her hurt so she could let go of some of hers.   I imagined myself literally taking handfuls of the heavy pain she was carrying and transferring it over into my arms, into my heart instead.

Suddenly, I realized that was VERY real to me.  Seriously, I have had so many, both through word and deed, be an example of what it is to carry each others burdens the past few years - through miscarriage, surgery (and the enormous mountain of money it took to get there), more surgery and some heartache, too.  Physical burdens... emotional burdens... there are many facets of the burdens that we face daily, isn't there?

It made me want to ask a real question, both for me and well.. for each other.  Have you felt the desire to take away someone's pain?  What about allowing someone to help carry yours?  How has someone meaningfully and purposely "carried your burdens" with you?  What would be the most practical way for someone to do that?  What would be real to you?

For me, honestly, it's words.  I'm a words person.  It's my love language.  I respond to and cherish, am moved by, read and re-read, save and go back to later, the words, encouragement and love that people have served me with.  The real, raw, honest stuff.

What about you?  Would you vulnerably share with me what this might look like to you?  I would love it if you would.   

True Beauty, part 2

I'm not sure where to start.  Overwhelmed, thankful, humbled, overjoyed and just plain amazed don't quite cover the multitude of emotions I've experienced these past several days.  I would have never in my life imagined as I sit Wednesday afternoon writing so quickly about what felt to me like such a  life-defining choice, trying to beat that clock marking the end of naptime, that I would receive the response I've had after writing about shaving my head.  Shaving my head!  If I had questions about people's ability to have compassion on a woman who was losing her hair and looking at taking the last of it away - a part of what defined her femininity - I need only look to the kind and encouraging words extended to me over comments, emails, and Facebook messages.  Weeping as I made my way through those words, I realized that I've been shown more about true beauty through the compassion and kindness you extended to me than I would have ever imagined.  I wrote in my last post that I get to search for and discover a deeper beauty that I wouldn't have had the chance to find had I never experienced this.  And oh, it moved me to see it coming true so quickly. And I knew it wasn't just about me.  Seeing the hearts of women and men, friends and strangers alike cheering me - and subsequently each other - on and sharing their own stories of losing their hair and the battles they were facing was beautiful.  And I hope that maybe somehow this is only the beginning.  Knowing we're not alone and cheering each other on through this life is a precious and beautiful thing.

So, if you are one who extended those incredibly genuine and kind words (including the beautiful Kelle Hampton), then from the bottom of my heart, thank you.  

Of course, closer to home than the wide reach of my family, dear friends and strangers online (whom I'll admit, I wondered how they might take the idea that I shaved my head) I wondered more about my kiddos.  Braeden, my 5 year old, came home from preschool when I revealed my bald head.  "Hey, Braeden, can I show you something?"   He turned, noticed immediately (how could you not, I suppose!), and studied my head for several seconds before asking if he could touch it.  Slowly reaching, he felt it, giggled a little, and then asked if he could watch a movie.  I smiled, feeling the unconditional love and over-site of such a thing as my hair from my boy.   And then there was my three year old, Landen, who asked, "Why did Shelly do that to you?"  Ha!

However, my 7 year old daughter, Emerson, is much more sensitive and aware - especially now that she's been exposed to the sting of sometimes being judged by her peers at school.  I knew she would know that this wasn't a normal thing for girls - for her mommy - to do.  Braeden announced on the way home from school that Mommy had cut her hair! She expressed her excitement of wanting to see and upon entering the door at home,  I turned, kneeled down and explained, "You know how I've been losing my hair?"  She nodded, glancing at my wig covered head. "Well, I decided that because I have already been losing so much, that maybe I should cut it all, instead of worrying so much about the number of hairs falling out each day."  I reached up and pulled off my wig.  Emerson, my sweet girl, whom I've always seen a compassionate heart in, took one look and immediately lowered her head and covered her eyes. "I don't like it, Mommy."  I searched her face as I began wondering if maybe I should have considered talking through it with her before I got rid of my remaining hair, or if maybe I should have just waited, when suddenly Braeden, taking a cue from his big sister, announced in a non-hurtful, matter of fact way, "Yeah, I don't like it.  It's not very pretty."  And as quickly as she looked away from me, Braeden's announcment snapped her head back up where she looked at me again and then back at Braeden.  I'll never forget how with pure confidence she announced, "Braeden, what makes you pretty is not the way you look or if you have hair, it's how kind and nice you are."

And there it was.  

That was the reason I let go of my hair.  

My hair, or lack of, has now given my children a chance to exercise what I've desired to plant in their heart from the time they were babies.   The seed of the same kindness and compassion and grace that many of you have already shown me has been planted in the hearts of my precious kiddos and is beginning a life of it's own in them.  My heart swelled with gratitude.

I won't lie, there have been a few moments where I caught myself by surprise in the mirror and I've instinctively grimaced, but I know deep down watching my hair fall to the floor was something I wouldn't regret.  In that moment, hearing those words from my girl, I knew that I had done something good.  

I'm still choosing true beauty.  And not just for me.  

Happy Monday and here's to the beauty in life!  

I shaved my head

Yesterday I received a copy of a book I had been long anticipating.  My favorite blogger, Kelle Hampton, had her first ever book released yesterday.  I've been following her for a little over two years and have read her beautifully written words of the journey she's been on since her daughter, Nella, has been born.   The day she discovered she has Down Syndrome.  I discovered her blog through another author I like, Donald Miller, who somehow ran across her blog shortly after Nella was born and shared the post describing Nella's birth and the days after on his own blog.  It moved me.  It brought me to tears and made me want to cheer this family on.  I wanted to hug her and be a close friend to this blogger I've never met.  I've been reading her words ever since.

That blog post catapulted her into popularity as word of that infamous post spread.  Her raw honesty and emotion were to be admired and I'm sure fellow bloggers felt like I did.  My heart ached for her and at the same time cheered for her on this journey.  From that, she wrote this book, Bloom.

After receiving my copy in the mail yesterday, I felt a sense of pride for this friend I've never met. I feel like I've been able to follow her on this journey all along and glean from the lessons and wisdom she herself was gaining all along the way.  And her photography... don't get me started!  (She's been a major inspiration for me since the day I found her.)

A blurry phone pic I posted to Instagram when I got her book in the mail.

Anyway, last night I was reading and found myself underlining and underlining and both crying and laughing along the way.  Her courage and attitude and ability to see beauty in the people and world around her are truly inspiring.  And then I read this:

"It's taken me awhile to grasp it all, but I have finally arrived at the grown-up place of life-is-what-you-make-it and there are lots of things in life we go through that aren't comfortable or ideal, but they could be so incredibly worse, and a simple life of comfort does nothing to change us, mold us, make us into better, stronger more beautiful versions or ourselves...
I have been reminded so much these past couple weeks of just how wonderfully blessed we are, and the older I get, the more I embrace change as an opportunity to learn just what I'm capable of.

And I am capable of so much."

And later, her sister Carin told her, "So many  people fear hard times,"  she said, "they go through their life solely seeking comfort and avoiding personal growth at all costs because it hurts.  But I promise you, Kelle.  I promise - if you can find a part of you to believe me and trust what I'm saying - you will be happier than you've ever been....  Because life is all about how you look at it."

It was like she plucked all of my thoughts and experiences right out of my brain and wrote this for me.  For me.

You see, I've been hanging on so tightly to this worldly version of beauty.  I've been trying to hold on to every last strand of hair that was hanging on for life itself.  Every day - every single day - after I step out of the shower, I go through the process of "fixing" my hair - what  hair I had left.  I'd blow dry it, use my straightener on it and comb through it again - just before plopping my hat on my head or fitting my wig so it sat just right.

And last night I wondered why.  Why am I holding onto this hair that is flat out failing me?  And I couldn't answer beyond the simple fact that it was because it's what the "world" is telling me to do.  It was because I was valuing the wrong kind of beauty.  And I decided it was time.

This morning I got ready, shuffled my kids out the door, dropped them off at school and sat in the parking lot and thought for only a second before I texted my friend and said, "I think I'm going to shave my head."  And like the good friend she is, she didn't even question why, she answered, "Want me to come do it for you?"  And before she took the scizzors and eventually the razor to my head, she asked for my permission, "Ok, are you ready?"

Yep.  I'm ready.

Ready to be me.  Ready to not conform to the world's standards of who I should be, or what I should be ashamed of.  I'm ready to whole-heartedly embrace the excitement I felt as my hair was falling to the floor because I knew, I just knew, that God is using me.  That I get to go through this because "a simple life of comfort does nothing to change us, mold us, make us into better, stronger more beautiful versions or ourselves."  I get to search for and discover a deeper beauty that I wouldn't have had the chance to find had I never experienced this.

I'm ready.

Before.

Face-timing Jon while Shelly was shaving

That's not to say you probably won't see me with my wig on when I'm out and about (I've found my head gets cold quite quickly!), but you can know that underneath that fake hair is my plain bald head.  The shiny, bald, smooth head that represents a new sense of freedom.

This is me!

P.S.  If you'd like to see a follow up post, click here.  

Escaping Reality

Yesterday afternoon, I excused myself to the bathroom to cry.  I had just written an email to a friend who had asked to pray for me.  The flow of words that came out of me, fingers typing so fast to her, feeling anxious that her prayers couldn't come quickly enough, couldn't hold the flood of tears that had been brimming my eyes that whole time.   I sat, in the dark, and let myself get to the point of being unable to catch my breath.  Details surrounding my surgery, my hair loss (again), some of the ugliness in my own heart, and some tears of anger wondering why some things are the way they are just plain caught up with me (sorry to be so vague).

  

I had to ignore a friend who came by to see me because I was in no shape to be seen or talked to at that moment.  I'm sure anything I would have been able to blubber out wouldn't have made sense anyway.  I value being looked upon as being at least mostly put together and in that light, that moment was a major fail.  Thankfully my friend is one who has loved me unconditionally over the past several years and wrote me words of love and encouragement a short time later (which were surely part of an answered prayer that I had been crying through in my dark bathroom).

   

As is thankfully common after such a cry, I felt pressed to do something about it.  And so, what is becoming somewhat of a theme for me (though this time it didn't come without a temper tantrum) I knew I should press on to choose joy, knowing that I am being given perseverance.  There's no option to give up or quit, so I persevere.  And try my damnest to do it with joy.  No trudging, looking down into the sticky, ugly, muddy, messy parts of life (though there may be some moments here and there), but looking up, looking ahead, and pressing on.  Choosing joy of the things I have been given all along the journey.

James 1:2  Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Take that trials of life!

From 2012-03-14

(Yep, that hair on my head - fake.  I decided to give in and just start wearing my rug - and embrace it.  :) )

And, you know, I have an awesome husband who saw through me to the feeling of being trapped I had inside and took the afternoon off to take me to a city nearby, 20 degrees warmer to play with our kids, soak in the sun.  

 

And, like one more small gift, one I didn't even really appreciate until I was home and the kids were asleep, I plugged in my camera and glanced at the last few pictures I took that day.  In these particular ones,I recalled trying to snap it quickly while we were driving home, angling myself across the dash to get it and quickly thinking it was impossible and gave up.  And reviewing those pictures, I found this gem.  

(Granted, I totally cropped out the dashboard and window frame, but whatever.)

Of course, once at home again, none of our problems are really gone, but my attitude was in a better place and I breathed a sigh of relief.  

It's ok.  I'm ok.  

Real life continues to throw itself forward and grown up responsibilities aren't going away, but neither am I.  The long haul awaits.  

Room to breathe

(Not the best composed picture, but I love his baby face with that awesome after-nap hair)

Wednesday evening Jon came home from work, and upon seeing me sitting, quite exhausted, on the couch  he ordered me (in the most loving way) to leave.  He said I could do whatever I wanted and stay out as long as I wanted. 

This mom didn't wait.  I grabbed my coat and my Kindle, hopped in our family mini van and left, having no idea where I was going.  

I decided to take advantage of this rare freedom and did something I never got to do - I totally went to the Wendy's drive through, got myself a large fry with a frosty to dip them in, and a coke (I know, pretty crazy, huh?).  I found a semi-secluded parking lot.  I sat, ate my perfect blend of salty and sweet dinner, and lost myself in some of my favorite music. I thought, played a little on my phone, thought some more, and thoroughly enjoyed my solitude for a few hours.  I did NOTHING and it was fantastic!  

Seriously, I should do this more often.  I need to room to breath and to just be sometimes.  It was good for my soul (as lame as I just realized sitting in my car for a few hours really does sound!  Ha!)  

And after I returned home, Emerson (who was the only kiddo awake by the time I got back), Jon and I critiqued and judged the contestants on American Idol before retiring to bed.  A good ending to my night.

I have heard many times that in order to be the best wife to your husband, mom to your kids, and friend to your friends, you also have to remember to take care of yourself, too.  It's true.  You do.

Some other things from this week:

Silly time with a mirror.  Have you ever watched a child look at themselves in the mirror?  The enhanced drama in our conversation when their reflection is near or the discovering of new funny faces, freckles, and teeth in their mouth is fully entertaining for both them and me!

And I may have played a little, too.

My littlest is turning 3 in just 10 days! It's completely unbelievable and shocking that my baby will be 3, but here it is, his 3rd birthday just around the corner.  And like I have with my other two, I had grand plans and ideas for his birthday pictures
.  

Wyoming weather, however, had other plans.  Surprised?  No.  But after this attempt in the cold, which lasted all of 2 minutes before his little nose was red and running, I'm just waiting for just ONE nice(r) day to get these ideas I have into photo form for this special day.  

And last, a few I snapped with my phone!  (All of these are on Instagram.  If you are, too, my user name is sandra_kelly).  I have to say, I'm loving having this phone to whip out in those instances where I want to catch something in a quick moment.  

Heading to Cheyenne this weekend to hopefully snap some good ones of my favorite sister, her husband, and the two sweet babies in her tummy.  Praying the weather holds out!

Happy Friday!  Have a great weekend!

Qualifying our problems

Nearing the end of a Bible study session this week, the group of 30 (give or take) women were asked if there were anything that we could pray together for.  Several ladies shared things, deep things, sicknesses, children who were suffering, grad school application denials, deaths in families, and a few other requests.  The heavier stuff of life was among us.  Usually I remain quiet among this big group of women, yet something pushed me to say something.

I cleared my throat.  "Well, this isn't in the same category as some of the needs and hurts occurring in this room, but..."

I was interrupted.

"Sandra, you don't need to qualify, it is what it is. It's important."

"Ok, well..."  Dangit, the tears!  I hated that there were tears when normally there were none with thoughts of this.  Struggling to compose myself, I said, "Um, it's my hair.  You may have noticed that I wear hats all of the time.  Well, since my surgery in September, I've been losing my hair.  It's almost all gone."  I had to stop again.  Breathe.   "Anyway, you know, as a woman, it's just hard sometimes."  That's all I could get out.  My eyes were spilling with tears and I stopped.   A friend seated next to me pulled me close, held my hand, and sat with me while we prayed.  

Mine and all of the other requests were prayed over and afterward I had several women approach me, offering their apologies that I was facing this.  And I found myself saying it again, "It's nothing like what So-and-So is facing, so I'm thankful that all it IS is losing my hair, and not something more..."

The friend that interrupted me the first time happened to be standing near me as I was explaining this.  "Sandra, stop qualifying it.  Your hair, it's a big deal.  It's hard.  It's ok to be sad and hurt that it's happening right now.  Don't compare it or yourself to anyone else."

And there it was.

Release.  

Where did all these tears come from?  Seriously, I haven't once been emotional about my hair up to this point...yet it was such a relief!  I suddenly felt the permission to grieve this loss.  Though seemingly insignificant to the deep losses and struggles that some of these friends faced, knowing that even if it ISN'T life threatening or physically painful, it is still MY loss!  

Still holding dear the deep pain that my friends were facing, I was also given permission to not compare.  I was allowed to feel the pain of being a woman who is mostly bald, in a world that glorifies physical beauty.  And it kind of sucks.

And gosh, I cried.  Thankfully, I was able to keep most of it in until I got into my car (and my sweet two year old asked, "Are you sad, Mommy?").  

It's true that I am lucky.  It is only my hair.  But it's ok for me to grieve AND still trust that He is using this for His good.  And I do.  As I've said before, I'm still choosing to believe that God is using this to place beauty in my life where most of the world would find anything but beauty.  And I am growing in that truth.  I know I am.

Have you found yourself qualifying your struggles in life?  Do you explain to others (and to yourself) that well, it could be so much worse?  It's true! It could be worse, but it is what it is to you.  And it's hard right now, in your life, and that is important.  Important to you, important to those who love you, and most of all important to God.  No need to qualify here.  You have permission to grieve.

Linking up with Shell today at Things I Can't Say. 

Introducing a dream

A year ago Jon ordered a camera at my request.  Our little point and shoot began to fade.  So, after hunting on Amazon, researching prices, and studying options, he decided unexpectedly to purchase a DSLR camera.  I had no idea what that meant at the time.  I thought it was a hefty investment for a family camera, but he DID know much more about photography than I did (dabbling in it when he was in high school on the yearbook staff).  

It turned out to be a divine purchase, so to speak.  It was an answer to prayer I didn't know that could possibly be an answer, helping me discover a truly unknown passion I had hidden in my heart.  It was something that literally could only have come from God and his ridiculously crazy ways of working through the prayers and desires of my heart.

I picked it up, shot several pictures on the auto setting, began capturing some beloved moments with my family, and finding so much beauty created with this camera I held in my hands- before I even knew it- it was my turn - me who got to take off running.  I was given the amazing opportunity to turn my corner.  I wasn't looking for it, but it found me.

Jon, having no idea where this might lead, took a chance and believed in me and let me run.  Investing in classes and forums and software so I could learn more.  I couldn't and didn't want to stop learning more.  I soaked it in, I read everything I could get my hands on, and I played with that camera like it was no ones' business.  I took thousands (it's possible that could actually be a literal number!) of pictures of my own family.  I began taking pictures of friends and their families, discovering the joy it gave me to gift them with pictures of their own.  Pictures they were excited and proud to grace their walls with.  And now, a year later, I am taking my chance, a leap of faith.  I'm doing something I never thought possible.  I'm pursuing something seemingly dropped in my lap.  I'm committing to learning more, striving to do better, seeking out the depth of my creativity, and buckling down to pursue a dream.

I am completely humbled, amazed, so excited and absolutely blessed to announce that I and my best friend (who has inspired me first with her own pictures and has a beautiful eye for catching moments with her camera) are starting a professional photography business together!!

Never in a million years would I have ever guessed or even thought that this could be a reality.
But here it is.

I am officially introducing..... 

www.KellyCoulterPhotography.com

If you feel so inclined, you can click on the image above to be taken to our new website!  And, for fun, if you visit out Facebook Page  and 'Like' us, we'll be hosting a giveaway in a few weeks.  Go to the page for the details.  :)

The desire of our heart is to bless the people we are so fortunate to interact with with beautiful memories that they are proud to display, while continuing to develop and feed our desire to create beautiful photos.

If it weren't for the love, support, and encouragement from most of my friends and family and especially Jon, this may never have come to be.  So, thank you, thank you, thank you.  


Here's to the future, here's to perusing something new, and here's to capturing glimpses of fun and beauty in peoples' lives.

And, as always, thanks for coming along on my journey.  So thankful to have you.


Linking up today with Shell at Things I Can't Say!

Inspired

I've been inspired.  Inspired can reach a long way, too, as I realized I was inspired today pouring my kiddos some chocolate milk, wanting to give them something to be excited about, and squeezed an extra squeeze of chocolate into their cups, just because.

Kind of silly, right?  But the realization that I can let inspired flow into the small things I do each day has given me an extra bit of joy in the small menial tasks I perform almost ritually (can I just say that laundry has been caught up on for a few weeks now.  That is amazing for me!).

The source of this inspiration has come from a few different places, hitting me seemingly all at once, giving me motivation to do things I'd never in a million years thought I'd even consider doing.  Showing itself in the way I respond to my kids, the way I take my pictures, the excitement I allow myself when Jon walks in the door after he gets home from work, the words I've never realized I loved to write and in life choices I'm making.

I realize because of this inspiration and the drive its given me to pursue and do more, that things could get more busy, but in this season of my life, busy is good for my soul.  Part of that busy will be the regular business of playing on the floor building towers, chasing giggling and squealing kids down the hall, and the never ending dropping off and picking up from school and other activities.  And this new busy is one that will push me, stretch me, probably make me uncomfortable at times.  However the joy, excitement, and suspense of this new business in life is a driving force for me these days and I'll take it while it's there.  Realizing this high in life right now may not last forever, I'm choosing not to let that pervade any of thoughts of the future, but breathing in this fresh breath of life that seems to have invaded and just grasping for the clouds right now.  As a friend recently reminded me, the sky is the limit!

(One I took with my phone this afternoon.)  

Now, some of the things we've been up to lately

Strep throat.  Yep, that's what we've been up to.  Every single member of my family, except me, has had strep at least twice in the last 3 months.  Yep, the words at least means some have had it more.  If you know me, you know I'm fanatical about cleaning my home after sickness has settled in, so I can't figure out why this yucky bug seems to be so persistent, but I'm taking in all the extra snuggle time it provides for me in the meantime.  :)  (Besides, if there is any weather that's better to be sick in, it's the current weather here.  We've been in the negatives for windchill the last few days.)

I picked up The History of Love by Nicole Krauss from the library.  This has recently been one of those sources of inspiration for me.  The richness of her words and the weaving of stories has been inspiring.  I haven't finished it yet, but am waiting until after I publish this post and will hopefully finish it tonight!

Emerson did her first real presentation at school the other day.  She presented her bag report (a book report in a bag) to her 1st grade class the other day and did beautifully.  :)

This is a still I took from video, so it's a little blurry, but check out that Puss in Boots drawing.  She worked on that for forever!

Since sickness has settled, forts have been built and pajamas worn all day long, Dance Wii has been played creating lots and lots of giggles.  It's been a fun, relaxing day.  :)

Last, I've been inspired by one of my favorite bloggers, Kelle Hampton  (perhaps you've heard of her?!), who has two beautiful girls, one of which, Nella, is about to turn two and has Down Syndrome.  She has done so much to raise awareness about children blessed with an extra chromosome.  Last year, for Nella's 1st birthday, she asked for people to donate towards NDSS with a lofty $15,000 goal.  She amazingly raised over $100,000!  Isn't that insane?
So, this year, Kelle is shooting for 2 for 2, that is a $200,000 goal, including what was raised last year for Nella's second birthday.  Last I checked she was up to $150,000.  You should go check out her blog.  Seriously, it's amazing, and then check out the page she's set up through NDSS to raise money in  honor of Nella and read about her heart for this cause.  You can go here to check it out.

Ok, I'm off to finish that book!  Goodnight and  I hope you are able to find some inspiration this next week!

Choosing happiness

Happy, I'm sure it's no surprise to you that my kiddos make me happy.  What else?  My sweet and so supportive husband, friends who sacrifice their time for our family, s'mores pizza (seriously, so thankful for this treat tonight! ;)).

Sometimes I have to choose to be happy, however.  It doesn't come as easily as with big neck squeezes from my favorite little ones or feeding my extreme sweet tooth craving with a piece of heaven in a s'mores pizza!  With all the weight of the upcoming months my choice in some moments is either to be overwhelmed, frustrated, and sad ... or to be happy with where I am right in the moment.  And let me tell you what, there are these little things from where I'm choosing to feed my happiness.

Some of those things:

These are where I found my happiness in the midst of anxiety and stress this past week.  Along with the choice of peace that only comes from Jesus.  Happiness has been a constant choice.  But I'm genuinely glad when I choose it.

Some random...

I am staring right now at a S'mores pizza, just out of the oven.  I'm waiting a few more minutes to dig in - right when the marshmallows start to get a little crunchy, but the chocolate is still warm and gooey and smooth.  It's delicious.  SERIOUSLY.  I think I should be allowed to eat one of these every night, for 4 nights, before I leave to make up for the next four months eating I will miss (plus, it's likely that any weight gained before then will be coming right back off - no reason to hold back, right?).  Yum. (BTW, they are from Papa Murphy's.  Go get yourself a slice of heaven, like now.).

Every night before bed the kids write down on there Princess or Toy Story themed calendars one thing they were most thankful for that day.  Their answers have ranged from playdates to bikerides to everything to nothing (on those especially cranky nights when Mommy and Daddy are mean to make them go to bed.).  And we write it down, exactly what they say, exactly as they say it.  Well, if I had a calendar to write down what I was most thankful for today, it would be teachers.  Teachers who care to call, to offer support, to promise extra love and encouragement to my babies while I am away.  Both Emerson and Braeden's 1st grade and preschool teachers have gone out of their way to call and offer these things to our family.  It's so hard that I'm missing the first day of school, but I am so thankful these teachers are looking forward to seeing my kids' faces.

Bikerides have pushed their way to the top of my list for fun summer things to do together.  It's on these rides that we can talk.  I encourage the kids in their riding - how Emerson is getting really good at bumping off and on the sidewalk.  Braeden can now go super speed.  Landen points out spaceships in the sky and we all ooh and ahh.  Moods seem to be instantly lifted.  Sibling fighting has no space between our bikes as we pedal along our small neighborhood streets.
Oh, and sometime we see horses.  :)

Since going to the train tracks last week, we decided Jon should get a chance to ride down there, too and this time?  We were lucky.  Well, I thought we were lucky.  A train came and crossed right underneath us honking is crazy loud horn as he passed.  Landen was laughing and waving (the kind engineers waved back), however Braeden looked like he was about to pee his pants.  He did NOT appreciate the loud noises this train was sending and those engineers should know better than to try and scare him!  ;)

As a parent I think it's easy to get weighed down by the mundane of everyday life, by the constant laundry, by sibling fighting (this saps the most patience out of me), and cooking meals each day.  It can drain you.  It can be less than exciting.  However this week, even though I have a huge list of to-do's to get ready to leave, I've been trying to choose the joy in the midst of the mundane.

Yesterday we found this stuff at Walmart called Aquasand for a $1 a piece.

Fun stuff, huh?

Like I said, only 4 more days until our plane takes off.  We then have a few days of random appointments in Santa Barbara and then Wednesday is surgery day.  I think I may take some pictures before and depending how I feel/how scary I look some after surgery.  While I am very nervous and sometimes scared, I do sometimes look forward to the transformation it may bring. 

Pictures to come soon!

Oh, and here are a few pictures of some sweet friends at a recent birthday party for a now 2 year old best buddy of ours.  A very creative and fun party put on by this mommy.

The birthday boy!  So excited he got bubbles!

And I caught a picture of this hot guy.  :)